under pressure

Lately all I've been doing is studying and wasting my time on the internet. Tomorrow I'll have psychology test and I'm not quite positive with it.
I can't wait to finish school and do something else with my life. What? I don't know but I feel that I need some changes. I need new experiences and I'm closing my eyes to some doors that are being open to me. Maybe I'm pushing away my own happiness...

Since there's not much to share here I'm just gonna leave here some inspiring photos while I finish my cup of tea.

CAAATS <3

small update

I'm actually quite sad about this blog... First because I've nothing much to talk about in here because nothing amazing happens in my life... And second because there's no one to read it... I've a little amount of followers and I don't know what to do with my blog lol.
I'm currently doing my last year of high school and I not very motivated with it. I know I HAVE to finish high school and probably go to university after but I'm so tired of school... I want to work to have my own stuff and gain experience but I can't...

Changing topics. I'm already into the Christmas spirit!! Maybe next weekend me and mom will decorate our house with those Christmas decorations! ^^ I love Christmas so much even tho I'm not a religious person. But just the spirit, the candies, the lights on the streets, the presents, being with family... I like! And I also love winter clothes, being in my comfy bed listening to the rain outside (ofc that I hate rain when I'm outdoors but yno what I mean) and also to use our fireplace!

Once I have the opportunity to do so I'm planning on buying Nikki's and Rute's presents ^^ I already know what I'm getting for them! Small but cute things, I think. And I'm also going to try Skin79's BB cream! I'm dying to try that cream and I think I'll finally order it. After that bad experience with Garnier's BB cream I need to try an asian one to know what suits me best.

Nothing more for now~ Bye ya'll! ^_^

this blog needs a huge update!! and I need to use it again... but i'm not gonna work on it today, too lazy. I've a new game to try so I'll focus on that tonight or maybe not even that lol. bye! see you soon~

I wish I could tell you everything I feel. But I can't. First because I'm a coward and second because I'm not even sure of what I feel.

rant rant rant

Wow long time no see, hum? Well... no one comes here so, no big deal. For that exact reason I decided to come here, since I've been in need of a place to rant and vent out and since no one comes here, no judging. ^^
I've been feeling really bad the past few days. I'm having bad mood and I don't feel like talking to people at all. I act cold towards people even though I don't want to, I just do.
Since that weird issue with L. and N. I feel things are getting weird with L. but I'm afraid of talking to her because she always makes such a drama about everything... I love her, she's a very good friend who supported me when I needed but she acts different now... And besides that I feel like everything I do is wrong... I also miss my mom. She's been working a lot those days and when she gets home she's always tired so we barely talk. I was always SUPER DAMN CLOSE with my mom like... seriously very close! And now it hurts to have this weird relationship with her... And speaking about my parents... Both of them keep hurting me. I feel like I'm not so important now and we're always fighting... I'm tired of it.
I feel bad with myself and with the world... I feel like I'm changing to a cold person. I don't want it. I don't want to be cold. I hate this... I hate feeling like shit. My friends can't understand me and I don't blame them because I'm not a easy person. I sound childish, immature, wtv... Probably that's what I am. A child who doesn't know anything about life... Or maybe knows too much. I'm confused. This post is confusing but my brain is not working properly right now. I just want to scream and to be free to be MYSELF! I want to follow my dreams but I can't because of this stupid damn society and because of my parents!! I don't know what to do with my life! I don't know who I love, what I am, what I'm doing, what I'm feeling... NOTHING!! Sometimes I want to disappear, other times I don't. I can't complain because I've been always safe and loved by my family but my life sucks. IT DOES. I cant' do ANYTHING! I can't even go out with my friends when I want and I'm fucking 17!!
If I could I'd go to the middle of the street and scream my lungs out. I need it.

Friend: But... How do you know that what you are feeling is love?

Me: I don't know, you just feel it.

Friend: But how do you know that it is LOVE and not attraction?

Me: Well... When you love someone it will be because of that person's soul and not because of the looks. It may be because of the personality, the laugh, the smell...  But it's hard to love when you are a teen.

Friend: You felt that before! I know you did!

Me: Maybe. Yes... Maybe.

BLAQ STYLE ~ *___*

Hello guys ^^
Today I was surprised when my mom said I had a package for me from Patty~! She sent me a birthday present!!

She sent me such a cute letter *-* And a present! When I opened it... MY GOSH WHAT A SHOCK! XD

MBLAQ'S ALBUM!! *____* I wanted this album so badly... And when I saw it I was like "NO FUCK O.O FOREALZ?!" XDD
The album is amazing! And the cover is super original~ ^^ Oh and now I have sexy photos of MBLAQ's members not just on my computer! muahaha!

Finally I have a k-pop album ^^ I loved it and I know I already said this but... THANK YOU PATTY <3
Now I need to find someting for her because her birthday was on february's 20th... And a present for Sungtae unnie too because she already gave me lot's of stuff and I want her to keep something mine :3